Cell Phone vs. The Bible

How different would my life be if I treated my Bible like I treat my cell phone? If I carried it around in my purse or attached it to my hip? If I went back home to get it if I forgot it? If I looked through it several times each day? If I lived like I couldn't live without it? If I used it in case of emergency? If I sought my counsel from it on a regular basis?

Unlike my cell phone, the truths of the Bible can never be disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill in full, and there will never be any dropped calls ~ I don't have to ask God if He can hear me now!

Isn't that cool?

I HAVE GRADUATED!

It is official...I have graduated.

At 44 I have graduated from something for the first time in my life. It feels really great to be done! I've had my graduation party, and it was pretty awesome to look at all those precious babies and the incredible moms who let me be a part of their birth. There were some pretty cool pictures taken at the party of me with most of the moms and babies who were there. I loved it! It was such a great time for me and my family.

Now, we move back to San Angelo in one week...moving at Christmas again. I've promised the kids that next year we will NOT move in December! WE have missed celebrating Christmas in our usual ways with all the moves around Christmas time ~ this makes the 3rd one in a row!

I'm looking forward to spending a lot more time at home and getting to reconnect with my family. I still have studying to do for the NARM, but I will get to do it from HOME! I have missed being home more than anyone will ever know...

More about all the feelings wrapped up in that another time.

For now, I HAVE GRADUATED!

Honest Thoughts...Stressful Emotions

I have decided life will not slow down anytime soon, and I will just have to figure out someway to keep up with it, no matter how fast it's going by. I'm not sure what all that is going to require, or what will need to change along the way, but I'm really feeling the passage of time these days, and that I'm missing out on so much that I want to grab hold of...I miss the days when I got to stay home with my kids. When I knew what they were wearing each day (not that their clothes are really important, but I KNEW!). When I knew what they were reading, studying, thinking, laughing about. It seems that days go by, and I haven't even gotten to look at their faces. And then on the days I do get to be home, there are so many things that are so far behind, I don't get to just stop and enjoy them then, either.

I'm really struggling right now with all the sacrifices my family is making for me to become a midwife. I know (I think) that this is what I'm supposed to be doing ~ but was the time now? If not, then when?

I will most likely miss my daughters RN graduation and pinning ceremony because I have many clients due in May. She is 3 and a half hours away from me. I want to be there to encourage her and congratulate her! She has worked hard for that degree, and I'll miss it.

I feel the need to go see my oldest son and help him walk through some choices he's making ~ but I can't leave. There is always a baby due. I haven't had 2 days in a row off in several weeks.

I haven't gotten to cook a meal for my family in ages. If they were dependent upon me to feed them, they would all have starved long ago. Haley does an incredible job of taking care of them in the food department (and many others), but I miss that simple act of nurturing that was mine for so long!

The boys are growing up, literally, right before my eyes, and I'm missing so much of it. Is it worth it? Sometimes I really wonder.

I was looking through the pictures taken with my camera in 2009 last night, and I don't know when most of them were taken. I didn't get to be a part of what was happening. I've missed Robert's birthday ~ again this year. I have to work on Josiah's birthday ~ again this year. What else will I miss?

I love taking care of the women I have the privilege of serving during pregnancy and birth. It is such an important time in their lives and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a light in their path and help them become all God has designed them to be. But at what expense?

I see the many ways God has filled the gap that has been created...Robert has stepped up to the plate regarding homeschooling in ways I never imagined in my wildest dreams would ever really happen! It has been great to see ~ but I want us to be able to work together in the training of our children. It was never just my job, and it's not supposed to be just his job. I can't do that when I'm not here.

Haley feeds us all wonderful meals, 3 times a day! She has filled in for me in so many ways, and I couldn't even begin to do what I'm doing if it weren't for her presence and willingness to be a keeper at home in my place ~ but it's my home, and sometimes I want to be the keeper!


P.S. This was written on April 9, 2009, and I never posted it, in large part because life really never did slow down...it's now November 5, and I can really see the light at the end of the tunnel! Just 6 more weeks and I will be done with my training! There are so many things I want to get down on 'paper' so I will remember all, most, a few of the things God has done in the last 7 months.

But for now, this is one of the places I have been...

It is Finished!

The schoolwork is all done! I passed, and now we're down to the homestretch.

Last week was a great boost to my birth numbers ~ 4 births in one week! It was great, and I still absolutely love that God has allowed me to be a part of this world of pregnancy and birth. I do wish the workshop weeks weren't quite so intense though. For my last 4 workshops, the week before was filled with births. Don't get me wrong, I love the births, but when they come all at once, the week of a workshop, it does get a little bit tiring.

Hopefully now I'll have more time to blog, and keep up with things (and people) at home. I can think about unpacking those last few nagging boxes that are going to take 'thinking' through, I can be more a part of school for the kids. Robert has done a wonderful job of taking that responsibility on for the last few months, and he will continue to be a key part of homeschooling our boys, but I hope to be more of a help to him in the coming years than I've been the last few months, especially.

I hope to get caught up on a lot of things, and maybe I'll blog about them as they happen. In the meantime, I'm just praising the Lord for all He has done, and is doing, in my life. He is so faithful, even when I'm not, and I'm so very grateful He loves me.

Blessings,
k_ranae

Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEARS! MAY YOU ALL EXPERIENCE THE PRESENCE OF GOD IN A VERY REAL AND PERSONAL WAY THIS YEAR AS YOU SERVE HIM AND CONTINUE TO GROW TO LOVE HIM WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART.

That is truly my goal this year ~ to become more and more Christlike every moment of every day ~ to truly love Him with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength. I am so full of myself and thoughts about me, that it breaks my heart when I realize how little of my life I truly spend being with or even thinking about the Lord. I know that some of the things I'm doing (most I hope) are things He has called me to do, but if I let those things keep me from worshipping at the feet of my Father, then I am letting the enemy of God win the battle. So, Father, in the midst of the daily things of life, teach me to keep my focus on You. In some things that is easier to do than others, but I want to glorify You in all that I do, say, think and dream. Help me to seek FIRST Your Kingdom, and let You worry about the rest.

In that vein...

I got my schoolwork back yesterday from the last workshop, and I only missed 1 1/2 questions! That calls for some serious praising the Lord! So, I just have to turn in those corrections, do my two worksheets, build a perineal model, and write all of my protocols before March ~ sounds doable! And then, I'm done with the academic portion of my schooling. I just have to get those clinical hours in, and they are coming. I am up to 5 personal clients (under supervision of course) and I so love working with them. They are all wonderful mamas, and I am so excited to be able to help them have the best pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum possible! Please pray with me that I would be continually seeking to grow in wisdom from the Lord regarding their care, and that I would also grow in knowledge and the instruction of those God has placed over me ~ Molly and Kim are the best!

We have spent the last 2 days getting the boys room all put together with their new beds. We found a bunk bed with a trundle AND storage drawers so all 3 are in one unit. Then we also rearranged their whole room making sure there was a place for everything that needs to go in their room. Everyone worked so hard, but the results are worth every second! It looks wonderful. I don't have any pictures yet, but I'll try to get some taken tomorrow and posted so you can all see it. At least the 3 of you who actually read my blog :-)! Interestingly enough, getting the boys room cleaned up wasn't on my list of things to do, so I better go put it there so I can cross it off!

We rang in the New Year by learning a new card game. Molly came over and taught us to play NERTS ~ I have no idea if that is how you really spell it, but that is how you say it! Another Jonathan funny here ~

• When Miss Molly delivers a baby, does she raise her hands in the air and shout NERTS?

He asked that after she left and I haven't had the opportunity to share that with her yet, but she will definitely get a good laugh out of that one! After she left, the kids settled in to watch a movie (it wasn't quite midnight yet), and Robert and I headed for bed. That makes me feel really old to know that I was going to bed before the New Year came in! Anyway, we had gotten in bed, and the dogs started barking. Neither one of them makes a habit of that, so we got up to see what was going on, and there was a full-grown, beautiful mastiff dog on our back porch! My guess is she got spooked at all the fireworks going off at midnight, and took off from wherever home was. We weren't sure what to do with her, but put her in the pen with food and water with plans to find her home this morning. But, after eating a good meal, she decided sometime in the night to plow her way through the fence and go back home. She was so sweet, and we are all sorry not to know where she came from, but it made for an interesting and unique New Years story for us!

Blessings to you~
k_ranae

NOT ME! Monday

I'm going to try my hand at the "Not ME!, Monday" list. Somehow I doubt mine will be as entertaining as some others, but who knows what it might evolve into?

This is a list of things I absolutely, would not, could not, never-ever would be caught doing ~

I did not lay in bed and toss and turn for 4 and a half hours one night this week trying to get to bed early 'just in case' a certain mama was truly in labor. Why would I want to do that instead of getting up and getting lots of things accomplished? Like all the things that were NOT running through my mind at the time: cleaning off my desk, getting all my paperwork done for turning in my clinical progress report, vacuuming the floors, unpacking boxes, or other stuff that wasn't going through my mind.

I did not ride the kids new zip line and have to drop off midway through because I could no longer keep my feet (or rear) from dragging the ground no matter how hard I tried. And I most certainly did NOT do this in a skirt! No sir, not me, no way! (And thankfully there were no cameras around for this thing I did not do!)

I also did not get up and move to a different spot in the living room to watch a movie so the cat would not have to move. Just move the dumb animal, right? It's not like she was really going to watch the movie or anything! Why would anyone do such a thing? Certainly not me!

I also have not spent an enormous amount of time this week scouring Craig's List for new bedroom furniture for the boys or living room furniture for our house. I have no money for such items, so why would I spend hours sitting in front of the computer looking at little furniture icons? I would never waste my time doing anything like that. I am far too practical in how I use my time these days to day dream like that!

And, I would never load my family in the car and proceed to drive an hour away to go to the best Mexican food Restaurant ever (The Jalapeno Tree) for dinner last night. That just sounds cruel doesn't it? So I, of course, would never do such a thing! Especially not just minutes after they had gotten home from a 5 hour trip themselves. Disclaimer: I also did not give them a choice, and that is the place they chose. Since I didn't do this thing, how could I have given them a choice???

Okay, that's my NOT ME list for this week ~ it's really kind of fun to stop and think through this list of things I did NOT do!

Our Christmas in Springtown

The stockings are empty...

The presents unwrapped...

Now it's time for...a nap! For Mom and Dad anyway!

The kids are all happily enjoying their new stuff ~ shooting nerf darts at each other, building with Lincoln Logs or LEGOS, or maybe reading a new book. And Robert and I went back to bed. When the alarm went off at 6:50 this morning (yes, we now have to make sure we set an alarm. After a couple of years of the kids having to work hard to wake us up, even calling us on our cell phones one year, we have to set an alarm to get up now!) I told Robert to go tell the kids that we were putting Christmas morning off until 9 AM this year. Well, when we got in there, the boys were all still asleep! Haley was the only one awake and reading her under-the-pillow book. We really could have done it!

After our nap (that was several hours long) we got up to a wonderful lunch. We don't do the traditional lunch at our house because my kids are less than thrilled with turkey and dressing and all the fixings. So we decided a few years back that we would do something else for our Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. This year we had...Sil Panchos. This is the most wonderful dish Amber brought back from her time in Bolivia. Maybe in the next blog I'll tell you all about getting drunk with Pedro, but for now, I'll stick to Christmas in Springtown :-)

Robert got the entire collection of M*A*S*H, so we watched a few episodes of that while the dishes were getting done, and we put together my new portable table for my laptop. And now, the boys are all outside putting up their new ZIP LINE! With all these awesome trees, they are looking forward to having a zip line between a couple of them. I'll post a picture of the great fun they'll have on it sometime soon. Hopefully they can get it done before dark.

After dark, we'll all settle in to play one (or more) of our new games, and maybe watch one of the new movies the kids got. The boys will probably spend some time playing with their Laser Tag stuff, too. So many trees to hide behind here in Springtown! Mostly, it's about spending time together, enjoying each other, and growing in our relationships ~ with each other and the Lord.

All-in-all it's been a good Christmas. Yesterday was a wonderful day. We all got up slowly and enjoyed a leisurely start to the day, sitting around after breakfast visiting and talking and just enjoying each other. Then Haley and I went to do some last minute shopping, and Robert and the boys did some of their own. We got home, fixed up some Sausage, Velveeta Cheese & Rotel tomato dip and settled in to watch "The Christmas Shoes". I haven't seen it in a few years, and I've wanted to watch it all season. We had a good cry, finished up the Advent calendars, spent about an hour singing Christmas carols and the boys got to bed a little before midnight. Robert and I got the stockings filled, I took a bath in my wonderful jacuzzi tub and worked out the last of the birth-kinks from Mondays' birth, and we got to bed around 1-ish.

I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending His Son. I tend to get so busy that I lose sight of what the season is all about, and I hate it when that happens. I want to get to a place in life where I am always mindful of the sacrifices of my Father and His Son, Jesus Christ ~ and not only the sacrifices, but the great love that is behind them.

I know the great love I have for my children ~ I know how much I want them to be happy and joyful ~ how I want them to feel safe, secure and loved ~ to joy in my presence and enjoy their time with me. How much more My heavenly Father wants those same things with, for and from me.

I pray that you will all revel in the great love of Jehovah God and His Son, sent to earth for us, so that we can look forward with great anticipation to eternity with Him! That is something to get excited about this holiday season!

Blessings...

I Passed!

Woohoo! One more workshop passed, and just one more to go before I'm finished with the academic portion of my midwifery study! This last one was on the Postpartum and Newborn. The new one is the Advanced Skills ~ where I get to learn about suturing and starting IV's and fun stuff like that!

I also have to write my protocols. In the state of Texas we have basic rules and laws that govern us, but each midwife has to write her own set of protocols stating what "I" will do in a given situation. For example: If I have a woman that goes beyond her due date, how far past that date am I willing to let her go before deciding she needs to have her baby? The docs don't like to see them go past 40 weeks ~ but some moms are 'slow cookers' and can actually safely carry a baby for 44 weeks! As time goes on, there are some risks, and I have to know what they are, and decide how comfortable I am with them, for how long...

I have to do this for every area of midwifery covered in the rules and laws. It won't be a quick process, but it is a good one. It makes you think through all the book learning you have done, and put that together with the clinical work you've done, and then decide what you feel comfortable with as a new midwife. There are things that will change in my protocols as I have more experience, but I have to decide what I am willing to do (and in some cases, where is the line I'm drawing in what I'm willing to risk my license over) right now.

Feel free to pray for me as I go through this process. I want to trust birth, and trust God in birth, and be wise and safe...

It's a beautiful day here in Springtown. We have the Christmas tree up and decorated, and the windows are open today. Can't do that up north, I bet! It's been a cloudy overcast day, but the temp is 70! The boys have done school, I've unpacked some boxes, we've hung some pictures on the wall, I'm trying to catch up on e-mail and such, and all-in-all, it's been a productive day at home. A much needed one!

Before leaving for my workshop last week on Thursday ~

• Monday we had a study day for the 3 of us doing this workshop who live in the Ft. Worth area
• Tuesday we had prenatal appointments all day
• Wednesday we had a birth at the birth center
• Thursday we had a birth at the birth center, and cleaned up and left only a little late for the workshop, arriving in Midland at about 10 PM

It was a very busy week! And has been a very busy, crazy 3 months since the last workshop with Robert's dad passing away in September, my move to the birth center in October, and the family moving to Springtown in November. But it is over, I did survive (although there were days when I wondered if I would survive intact!), and there is only one more workshop to go!

I'm taking this week off from school, just doing the prenatals, postpartum visits, and any births that may happen. Then I will get started next week so I don't end up with the last minute crunch (yeah, right! even when I start early and work all the way through, I still somehow end up with a last minute panic over getting it all done ~ why is that?).

Through all of this, I am learning ever better and deeper that God is in control, not me. There are new areas daily that I realize I am trying to make something happen, when if I would just rest, and let Him be God, I could relax so much more...will I ever figure that one out ahead of time? Here's praying I do, and soon!

Blessings!

School Days

I never thought I would be "my age" and fretting over school work! I'm so close to finished, but I am so very tired of trying to find page numbers to go with the answers! Next weekend I have my next-to-last workshop for midwifery school. One more workshop in March, then I have to finish all of my clinical requirements before I can take the NARM test and get licensed. Still sounds like a really long time away, but I know that God has perfect timing. This past week has been crazy, with the Thanksgiving holidays coming 12 days after moving to Springtown, and one birth on Monday and another threatened birth 3 nights in a row! Sleep has been at a premium, and my schoolwork has suffered as a result. No more excuses though!

Amber and Caleb dropped in for a visit!

Amber and Caleb were here for 3 days this week, and we have so much fun with them around. We tend to have fun anyway, but there seems to be a lot more laughs than usual when they're here. We took new family photos for this years Christmas cards, so as soon as I'm done with my schoolwork, we'll work on getting those out!

I'd better get back to learning about things Postpartum and Newborn...

May you be blessed as you reflect on all of God's blessings to you today.

Interesting tidbit from Jonathan...

• Sundays are supposed to be warm, not cold. That's why they're called 'Sun'-days.

I love that boy :) He was sick yesterday and we are so happy to have him up and around today feeling his usual self!